i wish that i had never loved at all

[ally / alexa ?!]

Bee honestly could not remember the last time she had ever been this nervous to see Keagan. In fact, she could not even remember a time that she had been nervous to see Keagan at all. Maybe at some point in high school while they were dating Bee had been nervous to see him, but even that was unlikely. She had almost always been comfortable around Keagan, with the given exception of a few times in high school when he was with other girls, but Bee hated thinking about that. She hated thinking about her relationship with Keagan in high school, she hated whenever Keagan, or anyone for that matter, brought it up, and she hated herself even more for letting it happen.

That was Bee’s biggest regret about high school, letting love get the best of her. No matter what, Bee always fell into the trap of getting back together with Keagan after they broke up again and again. It was like she had lost control of herself, and Bee was always one to be in control of herself and her life. She was more mad at herself for losing control than she was mad at Keagan for being scared of commitment. That was something Keagan would never know; something he did not have to know. Honestly, Bee understood Keagan’s fear, yet she always got mad at him, always blamed him, even when she too was scared. Of course, it was not the idea of commitment that scared her, it was the future as a whole. She was scared about something happening with Keagan that would ruin their relationship in its entirety. That was why she finally gave up on dating Keagan; she would never risk their friendship over love. Furthermore, she was sick of the heartache and the games she felt that he was playing with her heart. Bee could not imagine a life where her and Keagan were not best friends. In her eyes, it would be a life not worth living.

So now here Bee was, sitting, waiting for Keagan to arrive, her heart thumping in her chest. She tried desperately to calm herself down by taking deep breaths, thinking about something else, but nothing worked. Bee was nervous as she had ever been and she could not get a hold of herself. All Bee could think about was how stupid and irresponsible she had acted in telling Keagan she was still in love with him. The fact that it all happened over instant messenger and that Keagan had reciprocated the feelings made everything ten times worse. Bee didn’t know what she was going to do now. She was scared.

TAGGED; brandy!
WORDS; cuatrocientos cuarenta y cuatro
MUSIC; my math teacher reading the answers from the final
NOTES; soo i definitely wrote this after i finished my math exam?
CREDIT; CONTAGIOUS CHEMISTRY !, you me at six.

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